At the end of 2017 I took a huge leap of faith. I quit my job and said YES to what I felt God had been nudging me toward for a long time. I felt God had been nudging me to create content, resources and community for you.
The crazy thing is that I quit my job a week before a six-week holiday to America. At the same time, my husband had just started a new job and neither of us would have any money coming in while we were away. So it really was a leap of faith for the both of us.
Have you ever felt alone? I sure have. Let me tell you about it.
I felt alone at times throughout high school, in between friendship groups, trying to figure out where I belonged and whom I belonged to.
I felt alone at church. In the midst of doing, doing, doing, it seemed like community was sadly put on the back burner.
I felt alone in creating an online course – all those 5am starts and 1am bedtimes, building something around my full-time job. I loved it, but it sure got lonely sometimes.
I felt alone while creating, dreaming and planning new ideas for She is Light. While I had a fantastic network of fellow young female entrepreneurs, the people closest to me didn’t necessarily understand what I was doing.
Do you remember, as a kid, making those paper snowflakes to string up around the classroom during the holiday season, or to decorate wintry windows with at home? I was never particularly good at this. I’d fold my little paper the requisite number of times, and slice eagerly into it with scissors to create haphazard geometric patterns I hoped would look purposefully abstract. But somehow they always ended up with gaping holes and shapeless attempts at intricacy
Following Jesus means learning to die to a whole slew of things — self being one of them.
Sometimes dying to self means releasing yourself from a relationship you’ve held onto and with it, the future you’ve imagined, as it’s suddenly ripped from underneath your feet. Sometimes it’s letting go of timelines you’ve envisioned, and giving God the pen no matter how attached you were to the story in your head. Other times it’s surrendering dreams in discovering that God’s call on your life does not match your own.
I am a rather, shall we say, dedicated planner of my life. I equate being without a plan to floating adrift in the middle of the ocean, with no trace of land visible for miles around. I colour code activities and events in my planner and could win an Olympic medal for crossing items off lists. And I don’t at all like the idea of leaving the importance of my life’s purpose and journey to something as wayward and irresponsible as 'chance'.
I’m not one for new year’s resolutions. They always seem a bit cliché to me. To me, the important thing is to be growing the whole year round - not just making the decision once a year to change one aspect, and then not even sticking to it. But something about making goals at the start of a new year of life seems different. It feels more personal in a way, and more private. Like on Oct. 20, I'm the only person making a resolution.
Driving down the road a few months ago, fresh spring air whipping my hair a mess, and spirits high, I sang along to Tori Kelly’s 'I Was Made for Loving You'.
I was made for loving you
Even though we may be hopeless hearts just passing through
Every bone screaming I don't know what we should do
All I know is, darling, I was made for loving you
We humans are funny creatures. We’re blessed with an entire lifetime to enjoy, and yet we only practice really appreciating small portions of it we call 'weekends'.
What’s wrong with us? We love to say that life is a gift, but it seems we really only mean that about the time we don’t spend at work. And I get that. Work isn’t necessarily enjoyable, and celebrations should be reserved for the joyful extraordinary. We can’t go around all day, excited about everything, unless we want to look absolutely ridiculous… right?